My Novel, My Blog, My life

I have created a separate blog in which to post my novel in its entirety, to allow my blog here to remain the therapeutic and often inflaming venue it has become. I decided it was necessary for me to maintain a place for whatever pops into my mind, rather than the intense work required and involved with writing a novel.

Hopefully I will continue to post interesting reality based content here often, as much for others to read as to keep me sane and my mind nimble. I have been quite distressed of late by the intense reaction and misunderstanding some of my recent posts have created. While this is regrettable, I feel it is important to remain true to myself and my heart and mind where my posts are concerned.

I tend to try to write about things that I care about or things that personally affect me, along with opinions and insights. While this can on occasion be inflammatory or distasteful, it is me. I would hope this can be understood by all. While I don't intend to be hurtful or distasteful, my direct and often times abrasive nature comes from 13 years in the military, and the necessity to adopt a zero tolerance sort of attitude.

This is me folks, I've been doing it my entire adult life thus far and its all I know. I am direct, abrasive, abrupt, and an incurable smartass. At times I can be perceived as obnoxious, and arrogant, and my soldiers will tell you I have absolutely no tolerance for bullshit and stupidity. Ill grow on you or I wont, but one thing is for certain: No one is forced to visit and read this blog. I don't even have a counter, I don't have a clue how many people have even been here.

I know only that these writings are here any time someone chooses to view them. If you are one of those that chooses to visit, welcome, and enjoy. If you are one of those that passes by, godspeed. If you are overly sensitive and critical, you are still welcome here, feel free to comment.

Totally not cool

It finally happened. I pressed the power button and my computer started, booted to the desktop, the completely shut off. Never to start again. I had been having some minor and odd problems here and there for the past several months, but none that indicated the impending failure!

After 2 painful weeks and $355.00 the problem was repaired in the form of a new video card, and a new power supply. Thankfully the main board and processor were fine, as well as the memory. Sometimes I forget that I built a "High performance" system, and as such, I am prone to failure dependant on how hard I push the machine. In this case, she finally had enough.

All is well now, and I should be back to my regular schedule of irregular posting. Think happy thoughts.

My Blog, my therapy

We'll, how do I begin? Blogging, so many people do it for so many different reasons. I do it to remain mentally competant. A great and dear friend re-introduced me to it after having not been involved with blogging in any way in quite some time. I had been aware of blogging, and had experimented with it briefly several times, never with any serious commitment. One day after being asked to read this particular friend's blog, and being asked to create my own so it could be read, I gave it another shot.

There have been many, and vast improvements to the whole blogging experience since my ealier encounters, and I decided to stick with it. Since then, I have been attempting to post as regularly as I am able, and as often as my mood dictates. It has been a useful and helpful tool in combating stress, loneliness, and boredom in this extended period away from the states.

All that being said, it is distressing to me, while regrettable, that some of my friends should take is so personally and be so judgemental. I write what I feel, what I think, and what past experiences I have had. I recently wrote what was and is on my mind and heart, and my perspective of events. Im sorry this offended or hurt others, but this was necessary for me to do. Someone in particular clued me into getting these things out and dealt with, in order to obtain healing.

I am admittedly horrible about maintaining contact with anyone, including my parents, and even my own children, but that does not alter my past, or my feelings about it. I was not seeking an apology, or some for of restitution for it, but rather a forum in which to air my thoughts and feelings. Because I need to get them out. I have no one from whom to seek counsel here. I too have problems which I need to resolve.

These problems arent necessarily directed at, the fault of, or caused by anyone. They are issues I havent satisfactorily resolved. And I have lots of them. My particular career isnt at all conducive to seeking the help and advice of a mental health professional, or therapist. I do what I can, and I try to keep myself adjusted and centered. I would certainly never purposely identify someone in a forum so public as this. I would much rather speak to someone directly if there were issues that needed addressing. I believe I have in fact done that.

As far as contact, I have and do send many messages via messenger. I havent received any replies recently. In my mind, I was and am sure it is because of something I have said or done. I am well and fully aware of my flaws where relationships of any kind are concerned. As for sending emails, I hadnt ever really felt the need to send them, especially when I we spoke daily via messenger. This has not occured in quite some time. Pardon the error and misstatement of the period of time elapsed. My days and nights run together here like watercolors in the rain.

I apologize to those I may have hurt or insulted, that was not my intention. I do intend to continue to write here, and I intend to continue to do it as guided by my heart, thoughts, and events of my life dictate. To some degree this is my only contact with the world outside of Korea. My only means to be close to those things and people which are familiar to me. I cant begin to describe the events of my life in totality, especially those events of recent occurence.

I use this blog as a diary of sorts, in the hopes that people will read it and post comments that will provide solace and advise, criticism and insight, perhaps even answers.

Approximately 4 days ago my personal computer ceased functioning. Due to my current financial and marital status, each a by product of the other, I am unable to afford the troubleshooting and replacement parts to return it to working order. I may not be in contact with anyone for some time. I will post here as opportunities present themselves.

I am currently once again performing staff duty, which of course provides a minimum of 24 hours time for post things here and attempt to catch up. I will periodically attempt to check in when possible. For now I will close. Again my apologies to all concerned.