Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Last minute insanity

Let me begin by saying that I am in fact still here.

The recent events with my personal life and my duties here have been taking a serious toll on me, and have prevented me from posting at all to the blog. My novel has taken a back seat because I simply don't physically have the time to write, research, and proof it as I go. I have little time for anything resembling a personal life.

This unit and its failure to properly plan anything all the way to the brigade level has seriously begun to profoundly affect me. I am exhausted. I have applied for leave, which I am certain will be denied or otherwise pushed out beyond what I need it to be. I'm weary of making requests and complaints at this point.

The loneliness is crushing, the lack of contact with my children is debilitating, and MY leaders, those above me who are suppose to care for and about me don't give a shit. I've grown tired of the Army double standard, especially where the senior leadership is concerned. Policies are only followed, enforced, or adhered to if it is beneficial for the commander or the first sergeant at any given time.

Regulations are completely disregarded, especially when they interfere with what the commander and first sergeant are trying to push. Meanwhile, if you aren't an E7 or above, you aren't even considered to have a valuable opinion or and knowledge of use to anyone above your level, and any training you try to accomplish is never correct, realistic, or conducted properly.

I definitely need a break, some small respite from the routine here (which really isn't a routine at all) to give me a break. I'm tired of being told the level of care and sacrifice I must provide for those soldiers in my charge, and yet not receiving a 10th of that same care, sacrifice, and consideration from those who are supposed to be providing me leadership and mentorship.

It has become the Army of "do as I say, not as I do" I think its time to go.

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