Unhappy Holidays

It's that time of year again. Only this time I'm in a foreign country, away from my kids, with a destroyed marriage, debt up to my eyeballs, and the inability to please anyone. I think this is the most depressed I have ever been in my life. I cant see any possible means to fix everything that is damaged and broken.

I will spend the second Thanksgiving, and Christmas in a row away from all that is familiar, and all that I love and know. I thank god everyday that I am at the very least not in Iraq, and I pray daily for my military brothers and sisters who are there in harms way, as I know that their loneliness is punctuated by gunfire.

I find myself often wondering what it is that I am constantly doing wrong? Why couldn't I make things work? I have to stay in the Army, it's the only thing I'm good at and it feeds the kids. Why is that difficult to comprehend? What a waste.

I have all these people here now who's lives I'm responsible for on a daily basis, and I think I am quite possibly in the worst unit in the Army. I certainly know I have the worst First Sergeant and Commander. I've never seen anything even approaching the two of them.

All this talk of maintaining and enforcing standards, and soldier care... It makes me ill. I know what to do, how to lead, and how to care for soldiers, but it is impossible to do properly when your support structure is absolutely useless.